Sailor Duo?
by CrispyDruid
Summary: What happens when the 5 best boys in anime -at the time- meet the 5 best girls -again, at the time-? Fun, that's what! Wheeee! Crackfic from my early writing days -back in the 1990s 0.0-! Watch for pieces of the 4th wall crumbling 'bout halfway through.


Hi there! This is the last of the oldies I'm posting in lieu of actually working on fixing my Airbender fic. ^^;; Couple changes were required to fix problems inherent in having written this fic at about 13 years of age and no experience - other than that, I left it alone.

After all - if I can't be bothered to fix a _new_ fic - how can you expect me to fix an _old_ one? ;-p

Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Sailor Heero?<strong>

Warnings: This way lies insanity, and yaoi, yaoi, yaoi! light shonen-ai. Proceed at your own risk.

Labels: Crossover, AU, humor, yaoi, crackfic, What 4th wall?

Notes: I use the Dubbed versions of names, simply because I know them, and not the originals. Sorry to all you purists out there.

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><p>Serena was running to school, and ran into another person.<p>

"Ooff!" exclaimed Serena as she fell to the sidewalk.

"Hn." said the figure, who seemed not to be phased at the collision.

"I'm sorry, I really should watch were I'm going but... I was in... such... a... Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

The boy had turned, and continued into the school, ignoring Serena. Serena sat where she was, thinking to herself. Luna finally caught up to the blond, gasping for air. In between breaths, she managed a few words.

"Serena... what are you... doing here... when you should be... getting to class?"

"Oh NOOOO!" Serena jumped up, running to class, her encounter forgotten.

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><p>Serena skidded to a stop outside the classroom door, listening.<p>

"... that Roll Call has been finished, we will..."

_'Ah, darn! Now I've missed roll. I'll have to sneak in.'_

Serena snuck up to the door, and opened it just a crack. She waited until she saw the teacher turn away, then opened the door to walk in. She tripped over the door-jamb, and fell on her face, letting out a yelp. The teacher turned around.

"Ah. So good of you to join us at last, Serena. Please take your seat, and we'll continue."

Serena hung her head as she sulked to her seat. "Yes, ma'am."

The teacher turned back to the blackboard. "Now, where were we?" As she resumed her teaching, a knock came from the door. "Oh, now what!" The teacher set her chalk down on the ledge, and walked to the door. When she opened it, a young man stepped through.

He stood a bit over five feet, had a head of unruly brown hair, and a pair of cobalt blue eyes that would make the sky turn green with jealousy. He wore a uniform, the same as all the other students, but he seemed to fill it better. Serena sweat dropped as she recognised the figure she had run into earlier that morning. She sweat dropped even more as she realized the only open desk in the room was the one on her right.

The boy walked to the center of the front of the room, and turned to face the class. He fixed every student with a glance that said _'Don't mess with me, and you'll live'_. All the students quailed at the glance, except for Serena. She was trying to hide under her desk, pretending that she had dropped a pencil. The boy, once finishing his pass about the room, stared off into space until the teacher prompted him for his name.

"Heero Yuy." No emotion showed in his voice. When further introduction didn't seem to be forthcoming, the teacher gestured to the only open desk and directed Heero to take his seat.

"Serena, would you please join the class?" The teacher tossed over her shoulder as she resumed the lesson.

Serena slid up in her seat, blushing furiously. She looked over at the boy, who was sitting ramrod straight in his chair, seeming to absorb everything the teacher said.

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><p>Walking out of the room, Serena finally worked up the courage to talk to the new boy.<p>

"Hey! Heero, right? Sorry about this morning. I was pretty late, and I don't like being late, even though I usually am, I suppose I could do something about that, but..." Serena finally realized that Heero was ignoring her. Not even grunting.

"Hey, are you deaf, or something?" Serena rushed around so that she was walking backwards in front of him, and raised her voice. "CAN YOU READ LIPS?"

Heero stopped, putting his fingers in his ears. "I am not deaf. Nor am I hard of hearing. I am busy, so if you would please go away?" Heero waited, staring. Serena was dumbfounded by the abruptness of the comment, and just stood there as Heero walked off, merging seamlessly into the crowd.

Serena shook herself out of the stare, and went off to find her friends. She didn't notice that she was walking in the same general direction as Heero, until she saw her friends.

They were standing in a group, talking energetically with two boys. They were both almost the same height, but the blond had green eyes and the brunette had violet eyes and a braid sown to his calves. Off to the side, not talking very much, but still part of the group, were two more boys. The tallest one, a brunette with a singe bang of hair brushed severely out and down to one side, and a shorter one, his black shiny hair slicked back into a short ponytail. She saw Heero walking out of the crowd to her left at the same time as Lita did.

"Hey! He looks like my ex-boyfriend!"

The braided brunette looked up. "Hey! He looks like my CURRENT boyfriend. Let's find out, shall we?" Ignoring the blond boy's blush, and the girl's stares, the boy stood up on his tiptoes, waving. "HEEE-rooo! Oh HHEEE-roo! Over here, Hee-kun!" Heero looked up, and almost - almost - smiled. Heero walked over to Duo, and put an arm around his shoulder for a second, squeezing slightly, before returning his arm to his side, Mr. Roboto again. "We should leave, Duo. We are late already."

Raye laughed. "If you want to know about late, you should ask OUR friend. Hey, Serena! Get your meatballs over here!"

Serena reddened at the reference to her hairstyle, fist clenching. "How many times do I have to tell you, Raye! They are called odangos! Not meatballs!" Serena stamped over and stood, arms crossed, staring at Raye. Raye stared back. Then the other eight people stared, as little bolts of red and blue energy crackled between the two girl's faces. Amy stepped in.

"Really, girls. I would think that you two would have learned to get along by now. All the time you spend fighting, you could be spending studying your schoolbooks."

Serena shocked. "Studying! Oh no! I forgot! I have a test in Math tomorrow! I have to cram, and I mean **now**!" Serena grabbed Amy's arm, and started dragging her away. "C'mon, Amy. Let's go. You have to help me!"

"But I can't, Serena. At least, not by yourself. I already promised Duo and Quatre here that I would help them study."

Duo stepped up, dragging Heero by his arm, and grabbing Quatre's as well. "Then let's go, eh? No time like the present, and all that, right?"

Serena smiled in agreement. She liked this new boy - especially his taste in hairstyles. "Right!" Duo and Serena started dragging Amy, Heero, and Quatre back to the temple, leaving the others to follow. Trowa and Wufei shared a glance, and grimaced before setting out to follow. They were sharing the same thought. _'Oh great. **two **Duos. As if one wasn't bad enough.'_

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><p>Back at the temple, which was the girl's normal meeting place, the ten boys and girls were sitting roughly in a circle. The five girls were in a single line, with Serena between Lita and Amy, and with Raye and Mina on either side of them. Wufei was seated opposite from Serena, looking thoroughly disgusted at his misfortune of being surrounded with so many stupid <em>women<em>. Quatre and Duo were seated on either side of him, across from Raye and Mina, chatting amiably about the usual topics, in which Serena and Lita were joined. Duo was sitting in between Heero's legs, holding them wrapped around himself. Heero was not paying attention to anything but the mass of chestnut locks which he was repeatedly braiding and unbraiding. Quatre was draped over Trowa, and vice versa. Trowa, Amy, Wufei, and Raye were trying heroically to study over the mass of Shonen-ai that was currently filling the room, and a couple of them almost succeeded.

A small black cat jumped in through the window, closely followed by a white one. They both had a small crescent moon in the middle of their foreheads. Duo was the first to notice. Luckily, Heero had just finished braiding his hair, so didn't have a very good grip on the braid as Duo launched himself at Luna and Artemis.

"Kitties! How cute! And what's this little moon thingy on their foreheads? Does it come off?" Duo had grabbed Artemis first, and proceeded to attempt to peel the moon of the cat's forehead.

"OUCH!"

Duo stopped, not believing where the exclamation had come from. "Okay, which one of you said that? I didn't know any of you were ventriloquists! Do that again, and this time I'm watching." As he reached for Artie's crescent again, the cat jumped down, screaming a string of curses that caused the censors to keel over, and ban the episode form American viewing. Duo stared at the cat in shock, along with the other four boys, and the five girls. Luna walked calmly over, and whacked Artie on the head with a paw.

"Really, Artemis! We're not supposed to talk in front of civilians."

"Well, have you ever had YOUR crescent pulled on?"

"No, but if you don't stop whining, I'll hit you on the head again."

"I'd like to see you try it you little pu-"

Luna knocked Artemis halfway across the room, and walked over to Serena, saying, "Really, Artemis, this is a children's anime. Do try to keep your mouth in line! And remember! No talking to civilians!" When she got to Serena she sat down, and addressed the girls. "Now, excuse yourselves. You all have work to do."

Duo had shaken off his shock, and the other boys were quickly following suit. "What's up, Ser'?"

Serena started to answer, but Luna swiped at her leg with her paw, answering for her. "Nothing that need concern you five. This work is not for innocent boys."

At this comment, the five boys burst into laughter, even Trowa and Heero. Luna and the girls sat there sweat dropping, until the Duo finally controlled himself enough to talk again. "Really. Well, then, this I have to see. Let's go!"

The girls got up, and started leaving, with Luna being the last one out, except for Artie, who was still unconscious upside-down against the wall. Luna made their excuses, "Really, it's nothing really so important as all that, but you wouldn't really like it all that much. It's actually got a lot to do with feminine hygiene, if you really must know. I suppose you COULD come with us, if you really wanted too..."

All five of the boys squirmed at the mention of 'feminine hygiene', and made passing motions as Luna left the building. Five minutes after the girls had left, the boys got up, and left.

"Well, did anybody get the bug placed?" Heero asked.

"I did, lover. I planted it on Serena, when we were trading hair tips. Stuffed it into one of her meatballs." Duo grimaced.

Quatre looked over. "Are you okay, Duo? Something you ate?"

Duo smiled up. "No, no. nothing like that. It's just... I mean, did any of you actually LOOK at her hair? I mean, what kind of _weirdo_ wears an outrageously ostentatious hairdo like THAT!"

The other four pilots tripped.

Duo was still smiling. "Com'on, guys. We've got girls to chase."

The other four pilots regained their footing, but were now wearing large sweat drops as Duo ran off to a car. Hot-wiring the ignition, Duo tossed the tracker to Heero, who was co-piloting today, and the five drove off.

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><p>"In the name of the Moon, we will punish you!"<p>

"I think not, Sailor Simps!"

The monster sucked in a deep breath, and kept inhaling. As it approached and began to pass tree height, the sailors decided to do something.

"Moon Tiara-"

"Mercury Bubbles-"

"Mars Fire-"

"Venus Love-chain-"

"Jupiter Lightning-"

Then monster slashed out with a tentacle, tripping the five girls in the middle of their attacks, and causing the attacks to short circuit. All five of the girls were tangled in a heap; dripping wet, slightly scorched, sporting brand new afros (which were still sparking), wrapped up in a gold chain made of little hearts, and knocked unconscious by the small, boomerang shaped item that was sitting on the ground next to them.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I do that? Really, I should have been more careful. You're all still living. Well, I'll just have to remedy that situation, won't I?"

As the monster continued to grow, now approaching skyscraper height, it began to approach the unconscious girls, and reached out a tentacle. Serena came around just in time to see her doom approaching her. The tentacle was just about to touch her, as it fell to the ground, only inches from the group of girls. A second segment of the tentacle dropped a few seconds after. Looking past the tentacles, Serena noticed two large, semi-circular objects jutting from the ground, both with a handle at one end. They looked exactly like twin sickles, but scaled up for a giant.

Looking the other direction, Serena's jaw dropped as she saw three, very large, very cool looking giant robots, standing in front of the setting sun, the last beams of light glinting off the armour. The monster now had a bigger problem to worry about, and turned itself towards this new threat.

"And who are you? Power Rangers on crack? Well, your little toys can't stop me!" And three new tentacles shot out from the monster's body, each tipped with a claw that looked suspiciously like a can opener. "Take this!"

The sickles wrenched themselves out of the ground, and flew back to one of the robots, tracing their paths through the tentacle that was attacking it. Another of the robots lifted its arm, and shot out what looked to be a dragon head on a collision course with its tentacle, breathing fire and incinerating it's target. The third tentacle was met with a hail of missiles, and bullets, getting shredded in seconds.

Suddenly, the ground beneath the monster started to rumble, and crack. Light glowed from between the chunks of pavement, and a single bolt of yellow energy shot the monster into space. The three robots were now joined by a fourth, this one had angel's wings draping down from its shoulders. As the four robots started to follow the monster into the atmosphere, there was a shimmer from directly above the monster, and a green blade flickered into existence. It slashed repeatedly at the monster as it flew past, cutting the form into dozens of monster steaks, which fell back to the ground all around the sailor scouts, and Tuxedo Mask who had showed up to 'save the day' and now stood pinned against a tree by his own roses.

The robots flew over the girls, and landed. Each one of the chest cavities opened, and five humanoid figures dropped from the robots. All were holding something in a hand, which was raised above them, except for one. That one simply did a dec-tuple twist in the half-gainer position, landing neatly on its feet. The five figures walked calmly over to the girls, and began to untie them, except for the one who had twisted, as he went to remove the flowers that held Darian in place.

As the girls were reunited with 'their saviour', one of the figures spoke.

"So, is this what is described as 'feminine hygiene' these days?"

The girls were dumbfounded.

"And what are the suits for? I admit, they are cute, but aren't they a little _too_ cute for fighting?"

The girls were still staring at their rescuers.

"Hello! Serena? Amy? Raye? Lita? Mina? Com'on! don't you recognize us?"

The girls' jaws dropped. "How did you know our names?"

"Because we met today, at school. Don't you remember?"

"I don't remember seeing anyone like any of you at school today."

The pilots looked at each other. "It's us. Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei." Duo said, as he pointed to each of the pilots in turn. "Now you can't tell me that our faces have changed THAT much since what, fifteen minutes ago?"

The girl's jaws dropped again. "Wow! I never would have guessed. You're all dressed so differently!"

Each of the boys was in their black jumpsuits with white and red piping, but no helmets. They all looked at each other, and shrugged. Then the monster steaks started wiggling.

"Kuso! Get them out of here, boys. I'll have to blow up Wing to take out these things."

The girls' jaw's dropped again, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei sweat dropped, but Duo walked over and slapped Heero.

"Just use the buster cannon, baka! You know, killing yourself isn't always the only course of action!"

"Sorry, Duo..." Heero hung his head. Duo hooked a finger under his chin, and lifted. As their eyes met, the scene faded into bright shades of blue, pink, and white, and thousands of little bubbles appeared out of nowhere. The two boy's eyes twinkled as they leaned towards each other, their mouths closing together. Their hands went around each other, and rubbed up and down their backs. Tongue could be seen, and was, constantly. They drew in close to each other, each boy sliding one leg between the other's. Quatre and Trowa looked at each other and smiled. The girls watched on, fanning themselves furiously. Wufei was unconscious on the ground, a trickle of red flowing from his nose, down the side of his face, and rapidly pooling next to his head.

A monster steak bumped into Heero and Duo, knocking them over just before the heavy petting started, and breaking the world suddenly back into normality. Heero and Duo finished their kiss, then stood up. Everyone was shaking their heads and remembering what it was they were doing.

Serena gulped, blushing at the display. "Don't worry boys, I think we have it from here."

Duo smirked. "Really. This I've GOT to see." He stood with one hand on his hip, the other hanging down. And if his stance allowed him to lean against Heero, and rub a very interesting spot in the front of his flight suit, no one said anything.

Serena cleared her throat. "All right, girls. You remember your lines?" A chorus of affirmative answers. "Then let's do this!"

"Mars Fire- Ignite!" The steaks paused in their tracks, scorched, and smelling actually pretty good.

"Mercury Bubbles- Freeze!" If the steaks had had eyes, they would have been blinking as they were literally frozen in their tracks this time.

"Jupiter Lightning- Blast!" The steaks lit up for a second, then let out little puffs of smoke. What hair there was on them was standing on edge, and arcing.

"Venus Love Chain- Encircle!" A gold line leapt out and gathered all the burnt, frozen, and zapped steaks together. While this is exactly what the steaks had wanted, they were now too stiff to recombine, and just sat there, slamming into each other as best they could.

"And in the name of the Moon-" Serena paused for a moment, striking a pose.

"And in the name of Love and Justice-" Serena paused again, striking another pose.

"I will-"

"**GET ON WITH IT!**" Everybody chorused.

Serena sweat dropped. "All right, all right!" Serena grabbed her tiara from the ground where it was still sitting, and drew back. "moon tiara magic" she said, rolling her eyes, and giving it a half hearted toss. Even before the monster was dusted, Serena was walking away grumbling. "...never let me have fun... get all the useful attacks... better hair..."

The five pilots looked at each other, and shrugged. Wufei was getting up, wiping his face off. "Hey! What happened? Did we finish the mission at least? Can we go now? Well, there's nothing left of that monster, so I'm leaving. I'll meet you all back at the safe house before we leave for vacation."

As Wufei hurried off, Heero looked down at Duo. "Now, where were we?"

Duo smiled as he pirouetted away. "Eh-eh-eh! The mood's sorta broken now, Heero. Besides, Wufers is right!"

Barley heard from off camera "I heard that, onna! INJUSTICE!"

Duo continues his train of thought. "It's vacation time, remember?"

Heero's face lit up. "Ah yes, I remember. Some little uncharted tropical island, with room enough for supplies, one triple-king-sized bed, inhabitants, and four Gundams."

Duo looked at Heero in question. "FOUR Gundams?"

Heero smiled again, then turned to Trowa and Quatre. "Well, are you coming, boys?"

Quatre blushed, nodding his agreement, and looking at Trowa for permission. Trowa smiled, saying, "Well, not yet. but the sooner we get start, the sooner we _get started_, right?"

Quatre blushed more, kissing his lover on his cheek, and the four pilots ran off to their Gundams, eager to start the vacation.

The End

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><p>Yay! This was, like, my third fic. Ever. ^^;; Hope you enjoyed it! ^_^ Vm<p> 


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